Rescue me...

This one is going to be hard, very hard. I almost want to turn the comments off because while I know the feedback I will get from writing this is only said with love, sometimes I just want to get it out there. Admitting when you know you are wrong... or admitting when you know there might be something wrong is very hard to do.

I had a bad night on Saturday night. I drank too much, too fast & it just went downhill. I don't know what's going on with me lately. I have not been drinking to get a buzz, I have been drinking to get drunk, not just a little drunk, to get wasted. To be completely out of my head. I typically don't do anything stupid; I don't drive, I don't sleep around, I don't even make out with strangers :P . I just say stupid things.

Well, Saturday night I was stupid. I walked outside of the bar with a beer in my hand, was snagged by a cop, and given a $250 ticket. My night ended right there, so I started walking home. I live kind of far from downtown so it was a bit of a walk. And the easiest way takes me through a rough part of town. It's the part of town where I grew up so I have a hard time seeing it as rough, know what I mean?

I had another cop stop in a parking lot, I knew he would call me over to the car so I just walked right up to him, attitude & all. I was so angry about the ticket, I bitched at him, we might have had a heartfelt conversation to a certain extent, LOL. He offered to take me home & I just said "No thanks, I will walk."

In my completely wasted state of mind, I wanted to be rescued. I wanted a "knight in shining armor" to just come save the day. So instead of calling any number of people to come get me, or to even let that cop take me home, I just continued to walk, to walk & cry. The more I walked, the more I realized noone was going to come to my rescue, wet & cold was all I was getting from my stubbornness, which then made me cry more. I finally let someone come pick me up. She was my "knight" because I let her be.

Even the most independent people want to be saved sometimes. Even the strongest people want someone to come in & whisk them away from their troubles, if only for a minute. Why? Because for a split second you don't feel alone, you feel like someone cares.