Day 7: Impact

A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

I'm doing this in the form of past, present & future. There are 5 people that have impacted me the most & I'm going to make this one for them.

Starting with the 3 people that ARE my past, present & future. It might not seem like it, but the sun rises with them & sets with them. They are the reason I wake up in the morning, they are what keeps me going everyday. I act more like friend than mom, but lay it down when it needs to be laid down. I told myself that I would not do to them what my mom did to me, which was put me in a position where I did not have much of a childhood. However, as a single mom, it's almost unavoidable. They are my partners in crime, they are my soulmates on this journey. They are my one & only true loves. They are my everything.



My mom had the biggest impact on my past. While I do carry her with me everyday, so she is part of my present & will be part of my future, it's only in my heart. I was angry with her for a long time but I realize now she did the very best she could with what she had to work with. I also know now that everything she did, she did for us kids, whether it back fired or not, her intentions were always for us. I miss her so very much :( . A day does not go by that I do not wish she was here with me now.



And finally, my future ex husband. I had a picture saved in my phone for a long time that I would have posted on here but I think I deleted it. It was an image of how I always saw him, drunk & just nasty looking. He cannot possibly understand the impact he has had on me. I'd like to say that I am over the years of misery I had with him, but I am so afraid that I will never be able to grasp the idea of a healthy relationship because I spent half my life in an unhealthy one. I would like to say that he can no longer touch me in my present but he still does, in text or in voice mail. This last time, the voice mails really got to me for some reason. And I would like to wish for a future without him, but we have 3 children together, he will always be a part of my life... always. It would not be fair to my children to cut them off from their father just because of how I feel about this man. Therefore, he is also my past, present & future.

And I'm going to throw a "something" in here, LOL, music. I have loved music from as far back as I can remember, that comes from my mom. My morning starts with music & my day ends with music. I have a stereo in my room as opposed to a TV, my iPod is rarely far from me. I need music, I need music when I am happy, I need it when I am sad, I need it when I am angry. I just need it all the time. It is my second love, after my children.