Day 5: Somewhere I've been

A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.

So, I'm going to change this up a bit.

I'm not a world traveller but I have been a few places, I loved the Great Smoky Mountains National park & Everglades National Park the best. Disney was fun. Quebec was beautiful. But what I really wanted to talk about was the places I've been in my head. My own personal hell & the heaven on earth I've dreamed about.



I think we have all been in our own personal hell at some point in our lives. We might think we have it really bad but someone else always has it worse. Does that change how we feel at that moment? No, not at all. It's just different. What doesn't drown one person will surely drown another.

I spent 17 years in a bad marriage with a verbally & mentally abusive man. My unhappiness was so great I turned to food to drown the emotional hell I was feeling. Which in turn put me in a whole new personal hell, trapped in nearly 300 pounds of fat. Not only was I in a misery all of my own doing, I was still in a misery created by an abusive alcoholic. Then one day I decided I didn't want to be that person any more, so I made changes, big changes, including the loss of 60 something pounds. Then the big move from Florida to Illinois, separating from him. But my final release from this personal hell will be a divorce.

Heaven on earth?



Is there really such a place? I go around saying I don't believe in love, I do believe in love, I love my children, I love my friends. But do I believe in the kind of true love that 2 people can have for each other? No I do not. I think that people come together at certain times in life & we take what we can, what we need from each other. Sometimes that is enough to be content enough to spend the rest of your lives together. Sometimes it is not. It happens. I was so young when I met my future ex that I did not know anything about life, nothing about men & women or relationships.

I still don't know anything.

But I have been touched in a way that I have never been touched before. Some days I believe I will find that "heaven" with someone & other days I believe I will not. Most days I am just happy for the new day, for the fresh start, to try again.