Feeling really freaking......

blank!

I have no thoughts.

I don't want to be a mom.

I don't want to be a wife.

I don't want to be a friend.

I don't want to be an employee or a coworker.

I just don't want to be.

I don't feel right; not physically, not mentally. I am starting to wonder if my mental state is seriously affecting my physical health.

Kid has been unbelievably nice. He has been doing so much for me. And he has been trying really hard. But I am wondering if he thinks all this can erase 15 years of heartache? I want to be happy again. But how can I make that happen? But then tonight, he is mad at me, because I told him Sharon told me he told her he is leaving. He got pissed & said something about me believing them over him or something. And now he isn't talking to me. *sigh*

I slept pretty much all day yesterday. I woke up planning on going to work. Then decided that maybe I needed a day of rest. And went back to bed & slept until nearly 12. Got up, ate breakfast, left with Kid to run a bunch of errands. Came home & ate lunch & went right back to sleep, until after 6, almost 7, I think. Got up to fix dinner & then went back to bed.

All I want to do when I am home is sleep. I don't want to do anything at all.

I better call it a night. If I keep going with this, it will just get more & more depressing. Better if I quit now while I am ahead.