I lied.....

I'm still crushing.

Do you know how sad it is that I need to get drunk to enjoy sex with Kid?

Anyhow.....

I got a good compliment tonight. From one of the stockers. The conversation went kind of like this.... Well, no, I don't think it went like that at all, but this was the whole point, LOL.

C: You better watch out, you're husband is going to get jealous. He's going to start stalking you, thinking you have a boyfriend.

Me: He already thinks I have a boyfriend.

C: Well yea, look at you.

Everyone has been saying nice things to me. But why is it so hard for me to see it??

I am a mental case.

I nearly ran into my crush today & it scared the crap out of me, LOL. I came around the corner as he was coming around the corner & we both stopped dead. He put his hand on his chest. I didn't even think he was working today.

For some reason today I saw him sooo much. Everywhere I went, he was somewhere around. He went to the bathroom & he cut through self checkout, which he never does. I was in the backroom & he was there for a minute. I went out to break & he was going in. I got my share of eye candy today, LOL.

Okay, I'm buzzin' a bit so this is going to seem sporadic.

Kid is falling more in love with me as I am falling more out of love with him.

You really want to know what I hope 2009 brings me? I want to be single, I desperately want to be single. This is how 2009 should go for me to make me happy.

Kid gets his lawsuit & it is fucking fat!!!!

I haed to the dentist for implants & walk out with agorgeous smile.

Before the day is over I have money transferred to my account & Kid's bags packed by the door.

And this should all happen, oh, I don't know, IN FEBRUARY!!!!!!! For my birthday. That would be a most excellent birthday gift, I must say.

A little side note, I am slightly drunk.

I want to hold hands. I want to feel fingers through my hair. I want to feel hands on my hips. I want to feel lips on my neck. I want to feel arms around me.

I can get all of this, right now, but it's the wrong person.

I want a divorce with a booty call on the weekends, or any time, LOL. I just want to date. I want to be young & carefree.

I have started to wear bracelets & earrings & painting my nails. I am starting to feel more like me again. When I was fat, I wore what fit, didn't matter how it looked & I dod not, in any way draw attention to myself. Now I thrive on attention, to a certain point. I like to be noticed. I like when I make a guy nervous, LOL. I do retarded things, like hold my head a certain way, flip my hair, look up in a coy way, yea, I do all those retarded things. I like it.

But then I feel worthless. Acccckkkkk. I am so fucked!!!!

Well, I guess I better end this. I am drunk & I do actually have to work tomorrow afternoon, ugghh.

Oh, I almost forgot, we got foodstamps, $840 fucking dollars!!!!!!!!!! I think that is back payment, but whatever. I am so freaking happy!! I spent nearly $200 after work tonight, completely filled the deep freezer. I still have $600 something left. We are going shopping on Fri. I am so fukcing happy!!