And what stupid thing did I do today?

I confessed to Kid that my grandma & Terry sent me money last year. Why did I do that? Maybe I was ready for a clear conscience. Maybe I was hoping it really wouldn't be a big deal. Yea, smack me up side my head, I should totally know better. All this came about because my grandma sent a check today for Christmas. I just let it out. I told him I didn't tell him last year because I wanted to blow it. I thought he would make me deposit to pay bills. I told him the truth. He laughed it off at the time. But now tonight it's all about you lied to me, why did you lie to me. You don't love me because you lied to me.

If we are going to talk about lies, then what about the smoking lie. Every time he comes inside he smells like smoke & he even tastes like it when I kiss him, but he says no no no. This morning I walked outside to ask him something, he wasn't in the chair, but his paper & coffee were, I knew he was smoking, so I went to his car & caught him lighting one.

That is a lie, a flat out lie. But no, my lie a year ago is bigger & worse. His daily lies are nothing.

But I won't go on about this.

Life is basically the same. Christmas is next week, I am basically ready though it really doesn't feel like it at all this year, I don't know why. I just want it to be over with already *sigh*.

Tomorrow is our pot luck at work. I couldn't figure out anything to make, and then I remembered that I had sweetened condensed milk & I thought about those 7 layer bars. I amazingly had all the ingredients so I made those & they smell divine, LOL.

I have to start eating good again. I have been eating so bad ever since I started working at Walmart. Too much junky food at my fingertips. Plus we are eating like shit here at home, it is so hard to be motivated to cook when I am working so much.

I desperately want to quit the cleaners but I can't just yet.

I have a crush on this guy who works in the deli. He is really cute & funny. Though he doesn't talk to me, LOL. He did call me pretty the other day & I didn't know what to say so I said nothing. But now he doesn't even acknowledge me, oh well. I am a married woman after all. It's just a little crush. I am not pursuing anything at all, I am not stupid.

But I did wonder, not that I could ever do it, I wondered what it would be like to be single, as in no kids, no husband. I think that at 32 it is natural to wonder that. I have been a mom & wife my whole adult life, I don't know any other life. I said to Kid the other day I wonder how we would be if we didn't live our lives for our kids. I didn't tell him that I knew I wouldn't be with him.

Well, I better go now, for real. I'm getting sleepy. Nite!!