Sex & lies....

I wanted to write this last night because I was so emotional. Kid wanted sex, he said he wanted a quick one, I was not in the mood at 3am but then figured whatever. It wasn't quick & I tried so hard to enjoy it. I tried to conjure up mental images of other people & places but it just didn't work. I did not get off& when he was finished I started to cry. Not loudly, just tears & he didn't know. I went to the bathroom & forced the tears to stop.

I cried because I do not want any part of him touching me. He was making love to me, kissing me, touching me, being gentle & loving & I hated it. I am living a lie & it is tearing me up inside. I can't tell him because he won't listen. I tried.

When will all this be over? When will I be free? How can I possibly get away?

I am drowning.........