Bummed......

I am actually really bummed about last nights 1 pound loss. I realize that it is my fault, I have slowly started eating crappy or I guess I should say crappier this week. I blame my period but seriously, that is not a good excuse. When I say crappy, I mean like a cup of coffee & a 100 calorie pack of cookies in the afternoon & then after dinner a 40 calorie fudgesicle & a 100 calorie pack of cookies. No fruit, no salads all week, mainly because we can't really afford it. So, I am slowly creeping back into a bad cycle with food. And no exercise at all :( . I was walking to get Zach but then Kid has been home so he has been getting up to take the kids to school & he was walking to get Zach. Therefore letting me sleep in, until like 11am. And then I do nothing at all but sit on my ass.

So, I turned it around, starting today. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a Lean Cuisine pizza for lunch with a diet coke, then a 90 calorie pack of yummy rice cake things, then oh, I was bad, a 90 calorie cereal bar. Then dinner, I made ham, egg & cheese sandwiches, I used Pam to cook the egg & fake butter spray on the bread, with a 100 calorie pack of crackers & half a vitamin water. Carrots & light ranch dressing & yogurt raisins. Lots of water, that I have not failed with, lots & lots of water.

But the biggest accomplishment of the day, Kid asked me if I wanted him to go get Briana & I said no. I walked to get Briana. Which is a bit further than Zach's school. And I walked fast, like really worked my legs & was even a little out of breath. I am proud of that.

And I am going to partly blame my period for last night because I feel so bloated today. Next week will be better.

I was also bummed because Kid heard from the lawyer that they cut him a check this morning for his car & they are sending it overnight. It is not alot of money, like $3000. But $1500 to $2000 goes to a new car & at the very least $750 to the landlord. But I asked, since we have a little money in the bank, only $300, but I asked if maybe we could go out to dinner for my birthday. He of course yelled at me. And he is right, just because we get a small amount of money, doesn't mean we can run right out & spend like it's all okay. He is not working, we don't know when the next money is coming in. But then there is that 'fuck it all' part of me that doesn't want to look at the big picture.

And then there is that tiny little bit of me that is actually hoping the lawyer does sue & get money out of all this for Kid. It feels like it is our turn. But yet not, it's never anyones turn. I guess I just have that tiny little hope that we can actually live in peace for a short period of time. Like everyone hopes & wishes for. I guess it is also a little bit of seeing people walk away from stuff like this with some money in their pocket & hoping that maybe we can be one of those people. Though the reality is, it won't happen because we are not that lucky. Blah, I don't know.

Anyway, after his initial blow up, he came & asked me where I wanted to go eat. And I told him that since Shari & Emily were not going to Daytona this weekend we would be going out with her. And that we would split the cost, therefore relieving some pressure off him. However, I did sense a little disappointment & a little later I asked him if he wanted to go out with us. And he said no, he knew they would be here & he didn't want to go with them. He didn't care. Then I told him that besides, I really want chinese & he hates chinese, LOL. So, he got over it & he is letting us go. No problems. No worries. And then later on he said if he has some money then we would go out for Valentine's Day, though I am not holding my breath for that :P .

Well, hell, it is very late, I want to work on my playlists, I want to get them done, LOL. I am nearly there. And I guess I have blabbed enough.

Night my friends!!!!