Day 18: And what exactly do I have in mind?

Plans/dreams/goals you have.

The plan is to get my apartment cleaned very well & organized. I guess that is the goal too.

But the dream is so much better!!

I feel like a squatter. I don't feel like I am at home anywhere any more. I know these streets very well. And this is home in the fact that a very important part of my life was spent here. But I just feel like I am existing because I have to.

I have a wandering gypsy soul. The dream would be to have a very very small RV, like the size of a big van. It would be just me after all. I would drive all over the country to craft fairs & Ren Fests, that would be the best actually, selling enough jewelry & stuff to put gas in my RV & eat. No bills, no ties to anything or anyone. Except for my kids.

Maybe one day I would find a place to call home, a place where my heart feels at home.

I sometimes wonder if a person can be that place, like when you are with someone you feel totally at home no matter where you are. Could that be possible? Could I possibly never find a home because I am one of those people? Could I have a soul mate out there somewhere, that my heart belongs with?

I'm feeling kinda down & lonely. It was a long week & a crazy weekend that I don't regret but am not to proud of.

It's hard to explain this lonely feeling. It's not a feeling of wanting someone here with me now, it's more a feeling of wanting to know they are on the other end.... the other side. Know what I mean?

Anyway, I was cleaning, better get back to it. This turned into quite the mess :/ .