Drunken blogging, which I didn't get to do.

Why not, you ask?

Because Kid sat by me the whole freaking night. He was up my ass, being all nice & huggy & kissy . He is going to drive me up a fucking wall with his "I love you my sweetheart, my baby." I really need the little barfing smiley.

I just do not, in anyway, understand how he thinks I can just set it all aside. I do believe that he is more controlling & manipulative than I ever thought he was. When I was extremely fat & submissive, he didn't feel threatened. But now that I have gained some confidence & independence, it makes him nervous. Now that I have said on multiple occasions how miserable I am, he is scared. As he fucking should be.

I am not the type of person that is very huggy anyway, so to have his hands all over me & him whispering how he wants to...... well, let's just say get nasty, LOL, it turns me off. He turns me off.

I never realized how hard it would be to pretend to enjoy him. To pretend that everything is okay. I fight so hard not to cringe when he comes near me. I hate this, all of it.

I am trying so hard to hold out until all this lawsuit bullshit is done, because if he gets a fat chunk of change, I want half. If I leave before that happens, I'll have to fight for it.

I fantasize about it being alot & I have the option to say "Okay, kids, this is where we are going." Hire a moving truck & go.

My requirements to the perfect place to live:

1. Good schools.
2. Good work options.
3. Good camping.
4. Good family area.
5. A freaking good hockey team, so we can go to games whenever we want!!

First priority, getting my teeth fixed. That alone will send my confidence through the roof.

Well, I better go. Need to take a shower & get ready to go to Walmart to spend some more money!!