Optimistic

I always try to be optimistic. The easiest way for me to do that, just not think of the problems, just put everything aside. I have convinced myself that everything will work out & I will continue to believe that.

I am so annoyed with welfare. I have been calling every chance I get & I always get this stupid message, due to high volume of calls, all of our agents are assisting other clients, call back another time, click. Well, I called this morning, actually got through, sat on hold for I don't even know how long, just to have them hang up on me. I don't have the time to go down & sit down there & wait to talk to someone. We are nearing the 30 day mark since I applied, hopefully I will hear something soon.

I want to start wearing make-up, just a little bit. A little foundation & blush to cover my blemishes & a little eye make-up to bring out my eyes. I just don't know how to wear it. Is there somewhere I can go, where they can show me the proper colors & techniques. Although, I guess right now, it doesn't even matter, no money to buy any.

Of course I am ecstatic about finally feeling comfortable in my own skin, about finally being happy with the person who is looking back at me. But it seems kind of ironic I guess that when I finally reach this point, I can't treat myself to a new outfit, a new pair of earrings, make-up, whatever. I guess that is just the way things happen in life.

I also want to dye my hair. I have never dyed my hair. Maybe when Lynne comes back she can help me. I was thinking of maybe dying it a reddish brown color. But there again, no money for the dye.

*sigh*

I wonder what Kid would say if I went out one night & came home with my eyebrow pierced.

I guess it seems like I am reinventing myself, but really, these are my true colors peeking through. I am finally in a place inside myself where I can let them shine.

Ok, now for some stupidity.

I took a long...... very long........ hot......... bath last night. And I had this whole fantasy played out in my head, involving a certain person I have come to enjoy. And then I sat here, until midnight, waiting & hoping he would come online, so I could tell him about it. Of course he didn't show. And I felt so stupid. I still feel stupid, because I keep checking yahoo to see if he has signed on. I keep coming back & forth, getting ready for work.

Mariella didn't have work for me today *sigh*. I'll work tomorrow but not Wed. Frank wants us to try to be at the Grand Opening on Wed. morning. We'll get paid for it, but it won't be as many hours as I would get with Mariella. So I will get $48 from her on Friday, if I work Tues & Thurs.

Plus my Walmart payheck on Thurs. Though I have absolutely no idea how much it will be. I seriously need to figure out when the pay period starts & ends. I'll ask one of the transfers today.

Well, I guess I better wrap this mess of randomness up & go find something to eat before work.