My rule of thumb...

is always "Don't let others get to me. I can't control how others act, only my reaction to them." Someone can only make me mad if I allow it. After spending half my life with someone that I loved, someone that I trusted, someone who's opinion mattered to me, someone who I allowed to control my emotions, someone who I allowed to affect my everyday life, my mentality... all by choice, I told myself never again.

So why did I let these miserable people get to me today? Because I am human & I can't be strong all the time.

It is so easy to sit there & tell me what I am doing wrong, to tell me how to do it, to tell me how to fix it, but on my side of the glass it's not so easy. We are all so very different & we think so very differently. Something that seems simple to you, is not so simple to me.

In a perfect world, a man & a woman meet, they date, they decide to get married & then have children, they take care of each other, they support each other through everything. Financial, emotional, physical, all of it, it is supposed to be a partnership. You are supposed to be able to trust this person you chose, because yes it was a choice.

But how do you know if your choice was right? You don't know, there is no way to know. Until one day you wake up in a miserable place in your head, all you can do is think of how you want out. Every decision you make brings you closer to that out until you finally break free.

What happens once your free? You don't know how to live so you live from moment to moment, no thought of consequences. You're free, that's all that matters.

Then reality crashes down on you, freedom doesn't taste so sweet. When the children you had together need more than you can give. When bills you never had to worry about because he took care of them start coming in. When your van won't start, you don't know what to do & he's not there to fix it.

What do you do then? You close your bedroom door & you cry & you cry & you cry some more. No, it won't fix any of it. So, pull on your big girl pants, wipe away your tears & do as you have always done, hope for a better tomorrow & smile.