Failing

Until a person becomes a parent, they cannot possibly understand what it feels like to hold another person's life in their hands.  Every decision we make as parents affects our children.  Every word we speak, every mistake we make, every irresponsible choice.  And the worst feeling a mother can feel is the feeling of failing her children. It's not the first time I have felt like a failure, it won't be the last. 

In my life, I rely very heavily on support from a man that I cannot tolerate (hate would be too harsh of a word).  Yes, it should be a no brainer that he should just pay for our three children.  But the bottom line is, if he chose not to pay, in that moment there would be nothing I could do.  That feeling of fear of how can I provide for these three other human beings, that thought of "if I can't pay rent, what will we do".  Until you have felt it, you wouldn't understand it. 

I am a very positive person, I don't let little things get to me, I almost always have a smile on my face.  And yes I do know that no matter how bad I may feel in a moment that someone else has it worse & has felt worse.  But "look on the bright side" can't always wipe away that ache that a heart is feeling.