What is happiness?

Does it mean you are content in your life?

I can finally say that I am content, I don't want anything at all & I have all that I need.

I have the three pieces of my heart, the three people who make everyday beautiful. They make me laugh, they make me angry, but they make everyday matter. If they can grow into adults loving life, being happy with who they are & just genuinely caring about the people around them, then I know that I have done my job. Yes, I walk a fine line between Mom & Anjie, I'm not one of those moms that says "my children are my life", but they are what makes my life complete.

I spent way to many years trying to make a man happy, for the first time in my life I am making myself happy. Every single person in life is dealt some kind of shit; you can wallow in it or you can pull yourself up, brush it all off & move on. Deciding to stay single doesn't mean he's won, deciding to stay single means I've won. I've won my life back & I'm living it for me. I'm not ready to give a relationship the kind of work it requires, I'm not ready to give that part of myself to another person. True love will sweep me off my feet. When it's meant to happen, it will happen, I don't need to seek it. And if it never happens, so be it, that's the way it was meant to be. And I couldn't be more happy with that :) .

I wanna talk about what I talk about...

in my beloved journal. As you can imagine, what I write on paper varies greatly from what I write here. These words I share, those words I don't. But I've been thinking lately, if I die tomorrow, people will read those words. At that point it doesn't really matter what people read, I'm gone, there are no repercussions, there are no embarrassing moments, just me, all me in my most honest form (not that I'm not me, all me all the time :P ).

Essentially though, that is my biography, right? The people who love me are going to read it when I die. I imagine my children going through my stuff after I'm gone & coming across my journals. What do I want them to read? At this point it doesn't even matter & I have no intention of changing what I write. But I want to be able to answer any questions they might have, there will be questions, there will always be questions, I know this because my mom has been gone for almost 9 years & I have so many questions. What I would give to have read a journal my mom might have written. To see her words, in her handwriting now, would be a priceless gift. I can't control my time on earth but I can control the legacy of me that I leave behind for my children.