A little randomness is always good.

I am slightly disappointed in Kid. Not really to the point that it will affect life or anything, LOL. It's just I was so proud that he didn't drink any beer today at all. None before the game, none at the game, at $7 a beer, it wasn't happening no matter what. Anyway, he came home & made a cup of coffee & put cognac in it. There went my pride in him. And I think he knows it, he is already in bed with his eyes closed.

Believe me, I know that he is an alcoholic & him drinking only a few beers here & there is a big deal to an alcoholic. But still.........

Work randomness.....

I am convinced that my IPH (items per hour) is so low because of all the time I spend standing there waiting for old people to dig out their money or figure out how to use the credit card machine.

It really freaks me out for some reason when these total strangers call me Anjie. I realize that is why we wear a name badge, LOL, but it just always makes me look around, like are they talking to me. For example, 2 customers, at the service desk, came over to have a key made. They were telling me how wonderful & beautiful our store is, LOL. Luane came over & they said to her "We were just telling Anjie how much we love your store." It just sounds so personal, LOL. Maybe I should ask them to change my name on my badge to Mrs. Turcotte . No, no, no, that sounds too old lady-ish.

At self checkout, when the machine says "Please check your basket for additional items", I think it's freaking funny that the majority of people check their basket!!

Nothing happened with that check, no big deal at all. Me the worry wart.

I am completely addicted to Fruit Loops.

Last night, in my email, I discovered I over-drafted my bank account *sigh* .

The Panthers lost tonight *sigh* .

I am so depressed that I cannot provide the things in life that my children would most enjoy. I cannot even provide the basics most of the time. I find that to be the most depressing thing of all.

Well, hell, it is midnight. I still want to upload my game pics for you all to see. So, I guess I better end this. Nite. Tomorrow is going to be a long one.

Queen of mistakes.

I believe I belong on self checkout. As much as I hate it, I don't make mistakes while I'm there.

I made a check cashing mistake today, on an IRS check, I put in $10.07 when the check was $1007.00. I hope it's fixable. I don't think they are going to be that okay with a $1000 mistake, the $20 mistake was bad enough. *sigh* It is eating me alive. I just need someone to say "it will be okay Anjie, I promise". *sigh*

Tomorrow is going to be a very long day. I work at the cleaners from 8 to 11 or maybe 12. Come home, get changed & eat lunch & go to Walmart from 1:30 to 10:30. So, needless to say, I'm heading to bed soon.

I have nothing to say, how sad is that, LOL.

I guess I'll go to bed.

Is it Monday?

It sure feels like a Sunday. Except it is so quiet. The kids are all at school. Kid left to give this guy a ride, the guy said he would pay for gas & throw Kid a $100. I actually had to talk Kid into doing it, I guess the guy is FUCKED up, LOL & it is a 2 hour drive there & back. It didn't take much talking, I think after he thought about it, he knew he should do it. So I took a nice long hot bath & did some feminine maintenance, so to speak, LOL.

Things are going good here. I am taking every day as it comes. I can't say that my mind has been changed, but Kid is being very good to me, in so many ways. And I admit, I am enjoying it, very much. He is making my life a little easier. And he is also making me want to be better here at home.

Work is work. Nothing exciting there. I decided that I need at least 1 mental health day a week. One day where I have nothing I need to do, where I can just veg. Yes, working 7 days a week is totally doable, but I don't want to do it.

This is crazy, here it is Monday afternoon & I haven't seen Briana since Friday night I think, well, besides briefly on Saturday morning when she came in to talk to me. She left Saturday morning to go to her friends for a sleep over & didn't get home until Sunday afternoon, after I had left for work. So I'll be picking them up from school.

I think we are going to go to Walmart. I think I want to make homemade chicken soup for dinner, LOL. I haven't felt very good the last few days so I am thinking soup would be good, plus there will be lots of leftovers.

The weather is finally changing here, we opened the windows & they will probably stay open now. That will be a big help with the power bill.

Well, I think I'll go make a grilled turkey & cheese sandwich & get ready to pick up the kidlets.

Oh the hockey game (I just made my sandwich, LOL) was awesome!!! The Cats won, 4 to 3, my man, Zednik, scored his very first goal of the season, actually his first goal since the accident & I was there & I saw it!!!! We had a great time. I just didn't take very many pictures but I'm going to upload the ones I did take.

Okay, I am done, gotta finish my sandwich & get outta here.

Yesterday.....

was a bad day. I think most of it had to do with it being the first day of "that" time of the month. I was in a bad place mentally. I also fucked up pretty bad at work. It was a mistake, with a check. I was really busy & in desperate need of some food, so I was fading really fast.

Today, Fran (she is a really short, older lady, 50's or 60's), from cash office came out to talk to me about 3 different things, that fuck up being the biggest. My drawer came up $19 short because of it & there is nothing they can do about it. I asked her if I was going to be responsible for the $19, as if I need that. And she made me feel better, she said "I'm going to take it out of your ass." Everyone makes mistakes & I learned one. Knocked me down a few pegs too, LOL.

I am excited, we are going to a hockey game tonight, we need this, LOL. It's been quite a few months of no fun at all. Thank you Shari, for taking us!!!

I have also decided to take Monday off from the cleaners. It's one of my days off from Walmart, so I told Mariella that I can work Wed, Thurs, & Fri next week. So, Sunday night, I am hoping to get DRUNK!!! Maybe, LOL.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks; emotionally, mentally, physically. I've been on a rollercoaster & I am ready to get off of it now, please?

Well, I better go get stuff together for tonight. Going to go watch the Sharks kick some Cat ass, oh wait, I mean the Cats kick some Sharks ass .

Feeling really freaking......

blank!

I have no thoughts.

I don't want to be a mom.

I don't want to be a wife.

I don't want to be a friend.

I don't want to be an employee or a coworker.

I just don't want to be.

I don't feel right; not physically, not mentally. I am starting to wonder if my mental state is seriously affecting my physical health.

Kid has been unbelievably nice. He has been doing so much for me. And he has been trying really hard. But I am wondering if he thinks all this can erase 15 years of heartache? I want to be happy again. But how can I make that happen? But then tonight, he is mad at me, because I told him Sharon told me he told her he is leaving. He got pissed & said something about me believing them over him or something. And now he isn't talking to me. *sigh*

I slept pretty much all day yesterday. I woke up planning on going to work. Then decided that maybe I needed a day of rest. And went back to bed & slept until nearly 12. Got up, ate breakfast, left with Kid to run a bunch of errands. Came home & ate lunch & went right back to sleep, until after 6, almost 7, I think. Got up to fix dinner & then went back to bed.

All I want to do when I am home is sleep. I don't want to do anything at all.

I better call it a night. If I keep going with this, it will just get more & more depressing. Better if I quit now while I am ahead.

Change is in the air.

I am actually feeling quite happy right at this moment.

I can feel "fall" in the air. It is absolutely beautiful outside today!! Kid is going to clean all the screens tomorrow so we can open the windows again. That will not only let fresh air flow through the house, it will lower the power bill by about $100 a month.

I worked this morning but I left at 11. So it does feel kind of like a day off. It is really hard working 7 days a week, alot harder than I thought it would be. And when I say hard, I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. I have nothing to look forward too, no more, 4 more days until the weekend. What the hell is a weekend?

I do have something to look forward to though, a hockey game on Friday night. I am beyond excited. And Shari made it possible, yet again. She managed to get 5 free tickets!!!

So I might not be able to say only 4 more days until the weekend, but I can say only 4 more days until the hockey game!!

Kid is being so nice, unbelievably nice. Yes, the wondering thoughts, 'how long will it last' thoughts, are always in the back of my mind. But he is trying very hard. And that makes life a little more bearable. He did laundry this weekend, as in washed, dried, folded & put away. He does the dishes, he takes care of the kids, gets Zachs clothes out the night before. Makes everything in life a little more easy on me. And I am very appreciative. He hasn't drank anything in 2 days. He tells me he loves me all the time, calls me his sweetheart. He just told me before he left that he has loved me for so long, he doesn't want to lose me.

For the moment, I am trying to put all negative thoughts out of my head, no money worries, no life worries, just set it all aside, for right now. And I feel at peace.

I think I'll go take a nap.

Worst fight ever.

Thinking over it this morning, I could have handled the situation in a number of different ways. It is just as much my fault as it is his. But it did become physical. And I am hurting today. He grabbed my neck, from behind & pushed my head down. I don't believe I deserved it, but I was physical with him. And at one point I grabbed the keys from him & he grabbed me around the neck, with his arms, choking me, I was scared, I elbowed him in the groin. It was bad, so so bad.

The kids woke up & were so scared . It is so over, it is beyond over.

I gotta go, I have to get ready for work. I'll be back later, after work.