So depressed....

Kid is still on my ass about calling Terry. I just can't do it.

So, I went to the bank today with those savings bonds. I had 8 of them, $50 each. First off they gave me a helluva a hard time with it because it said Angie Turcotte, not Anjare Turcotte. Of course I said so you'll cash a check that is written out to Anjie but not a savings bond, which were in my kids names & I had their birth certificates with me. In my opinion, they were just being assholes. They said if they could find a check written to Anjie, then they would cash the bonds. So, I stand there for like 20 minutes while they are looking at old checks on their computer. Good thing I decided to lean over & check what they were looking at, they were in my wrong damn bank account. Of course there have only been 2 deposits to my account & sure enough, one of the checks said Anjie, how long do you think that took ~need the eye-rolling smiley~? Anyway, after all the stress & all these people looking at me like I was some kind of bad mom, cashing in my kids bonds, turns out they lost value. That figures. Expecting $400, I walk away with $263. It'll pay the insurance bill.

I called Kid back, he called while I was at the bank, and told him about the decrease in value. And he says again, you need to call Terry. He said we'll pay him back. I lost it & yelled at him "How? We are 5 fucking months behind on rent, how are we going to pay anyone back? I gotta go, bye." CLICK!! And then I just started crying. Both Briana & Zach were with me :( . But I was quietly crying all the way to Walmart to buy water.

Life sucks, period!!

When I got home there wa sa paper in the mailbox for Kid. It is in french, it appears to be a life insurance policy. He said his dad got it for him when he was a kid. Now, I may be wrong, but I thought you can cash in life insurance or at least collect some money off of it. I know Terry did something like that once. I told the ass to call the guy on the paper. He won't fucking do it. I can't read the motherfucking paper, it is in french!!!! He is on my ass about calling a guy who doesn't even talk to me, who isn't even a relative to borrow money that we can't fucking pay back but he WON"T MAKE A CALL HIMSELF!!!!! God I am so pissed!!!

I'm going to put on some hard rock & go for a walk, walk off these goddamn frustrations. I skipped lunch & ate a bunch of crap so I could use the exercise.

One more thing, I was so depressed that I couldn't make Easter baskets for my kids. Shari told me last night not to worry about it, she was going to do baskets for them. That makes me feel so motherfucking lame. I actually have $82 in my bank account, I was sitting on it for a rainy day. Well, if these days aren't 'rainy' I don't know what day ever will be, so I'm just going to use it to make them small baskets. That is so much more important to me than saving it for whatever....... whenever.

Ok, off for a walk now, I am about to start crying again.

Lice free, 30 pounds lighter & dead ass broke

Okay, so I haven't been back to update. I've been working on some things for some of my girls from GBM.

For Veloute
For Quinn
For Darcey
For Kelly
For Em
For Markera
For Amy

Oh, I hope they don't mind me posting them. I have one for me too but I'm going to redo it I think. And I had done one for my IRL friend Shari, but I'm redoing it so I'll post it when it is done.

Anyway, those are very time consuming & I am not done yet, I have 4 more to do, but I am taking a break tonight. I have been staying up until 4 or so every night. Not tonight, I am blogging & going to bed.

Anyway, I think I have this lice thing beat. For nearly 2 weeks we had a routine. Every night they would wash their hair with Tea Tree Oil shampoo & conditioner. I made them use a different towel every night after their shower. Then I would spend about 20 or 30 minutes combing through their hair, picking out any nits or bugs I saw. I didn't let them wear their pjs or jackets more than once. And I dried their bedding every single night before bed. Also I dumped boiling water on their brushes & combs every night. I am still having them wash their hair with the shampoo & I am still combing their hair & picking through it. So far I have only found a nit or 2 on each of them. No bugs. I am really really hoping we beat those nasty little fuckers. We did rewash & recomb on Friday night too. Everything is still in bags & I think I'm going to leave them for another week or so. Besides my house is a mess, I should really clean it before I open all that shit up. So, I am really hoping I won't be back here in another week posting about more lice, uggghhhh.

In other news, great news, I have reached a milestone, I HAVE LOST 30 POUNDS!!!!!!! I am so freaking excited about that. I am really starting to feel it now. And I finally got my ass up & out the door to walk to get Briana today. I wore my MP3 player, listening to AC/DC, G'N'R & Bon Jovi (which I need to delete some of those songs, I found myself skipping them, LOL), I was amazed at how much that helped. I wore the weights Shari bought me for my birthday & I walked hard & fast. I felt the burn in my legs & I broke a sweat. I never realized how much music helped. I am really looking forward to tomorrow. I left a little early today, I plan on leaving even earlier tomorrow.

At the park right by her school they have a Health Fit trail (or something like that). The trail winds through the park & it has various Fit Stations with activities. Like bend & touch your toes. Or it will have bars for chin ups, and a post to squat against. Stuff like that. I didn't do any of it because I felt like a dork. But if I had been with someone, even the kids, I would have done those things, LOL. As a matter of fact, on the way back Briana & I walked a section of the trail & we did the step up thing. They have 3 posts of different heights. The first 2 weren't too high but the third one was really high, I couldn't get up on it, LOL. Maybe one day :P .

I am really going to try to keep up the walking. I really have no excuse. We have 2 parks within walking distance that have a nice trail with fit stations. One of the parks is on the intracoastal. It is a very nice park. Also, we live so close to the beach that I could walk down there, or drive down there within 5 minutes. Who wouldn't love to be able to walk on the beach of the Atlantic ocean pretty much whenever they want? And here I take advantage of it being so close. Even my friend Shari, who lives here is too far to just drive over & take a walk. When I can go there within 5 minutes. The only reason I wouldn't like to walk is because it is alot of work walking on the beach & it would take me a good 15 or 20 minutes to walk there. But I could walk down there, take a break & sit on the bench & watch the waves, walk down by the water & walk home. That I could do.

I have so much variety as for where I can walk & I don't take advantage of it. So, from now on, I am doing it. I know I can. A few years ago I started a routine of walking every night. I did it because we were going to Canada & I wanted to try to lose a few pounds before we went. I didn't weigh myself then. And I really wasn't eating healthy. I cut back on sweets but I still drank Coke. I did cut back. I also drank alot of water. But I wasn't losing weight then like I am now. I kept telling myself that I could still eat what I want as long as I exercised, HA, that was so not true :P .

I think about how much I could have been losing all this time if I had been doing some exercise & I kick myself, LOL. But that's okay. I am starting now. And I am on the right track. I failed yesterday with food but I made up for it today. I caved & bought chocolate. I bought 2 bags of Hershsy Kisses because they were buy one get one free. But, in the past I would have eaten & eaten the kisses. I busted those bags open as soon as I got in the car, LOL. I ate one Cherry Cordial & one Dark Chocolate (and dark chocolate is good for you :P ). Then after dinner I ate 2 more. I thought for someone who used to gorge on junk, that was pretty good. However, I also ate a Skinny Cow mint ice cream sandwich & earlier in the day I had a cup of coffee (with fat free creamer & splenda, but still) & a 100 calorie pack of cookies. That is alot of sweets for me in a day. I know better & I always do better but I was in a BAD mood yesterday & Kid didn't help matters, big surprise. So, I did better today. No chocolate, no 100 calorie packs of cookies, just 1 Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich.

So, now for the not so good news. And part of the reason I have been up & down emotionally. Kid is still not working, for obvious reasons, he still has a cast. Can't do anything about that. But we have no money, I don't even know how much is left in the bank & I don't want to check. I am actually going to the bank tomorrow to cash in some Savings Bonds that someone gave my girls quite a few years ago, like 5 years ago, I think. I have $400 total. It will be enough to pay the car insurance & get some groceries, the car insurance is something we cannot back up. Everything else is backed up. Kid has been home & he has been on my ass every motherfucking day about every thing. Today he wasn't so bad probably because I gave him some this afternoon. But he is unbelievably stressed out. He is telling me to call Terry for a loan. Like we could even pay it back. We are like 4 or 5 months behind on rent, luckily we have a great landlord but still. How are we going to pay all that back? He is still counting on some kind of lawsuit, which I am not. He says shit like we'll just move, get the fuck out of Florida. How are we going to do that? We can't even pay our bills, how can we afford the gas to drive ourselves out of here? Besides that, I am all for moving, but I am not leaving my stuff behind.

Ugggghhhhhhhhh. I really didn't want to drag all this up before I go to bed. Sigh..........

Whatever, I am done. I know this is so long, I just had a bit to catch up on. So, that is where I am.

Lice free, 30 pounds lighter & dead ass broke. Hey, that makes a better title for this blog, I'm going to use it :P .

Head lice......

I believe head lice are direct descendants from the devil. It has been a week since I discovered these absolutely useless critters residing on the heads of my children & myself. I do not understand the purpose of these things. They are not here to remind us to keep ourselves a little cleaner, as they much prefer a clean head. I guess that does say something about the cleanliness of my children, but still.....

Tomorrow (Tues.) marks the one week period since I waged full on war with these absolute pain in the ass bugs. And alas, I am still finding them in my girls hair.

Will it ever stop?? Will they ever be gone completely? Will life ever go back to normal, as we know it?

My kids were home for 4 days last week. We found them on Monday night when I shaved Zach's head. Then I ran out to the store, spent a small fortune on RID & lice combs. Then I slept on the couch so Kid wouldn't get them. Amazing how he didn't get them from us, but I will not question the how, just be thankful for the one lice-less head. Anyway, Tues. morning the war began. With Zach first, washing with Rid & some combing. Then Cheyenne, washing with Rid & a 3 hour session with the comb & the beloved 'nit-picking'. Then on to Briana, a 4 hour session with her. I did run out to the store to buy the house spray & the comb out gel for Briana. Then on to myself. The girls 'nit-picked' my head. Thankfully I did not have it as bad. I am guessing I got it because we share a brush, I should say we shared a brush & I laid on Cheyenne's bed every night after I read to Zach.

Then on Wed. we spent the day cleaning & bagging stuff up. I spent another small fortune in washing all bedding at the laundromat.

Thurs the kids washed their hair with shampoo that I added a ton of tea tree oil too. And another combing session. With me still finding nits & bugs. Friday the same but with less bugs. Sat. & Sun. the same combing. With me finding less & less bugs in Briana, but finding 7 live bugs on Cheyenne was rather depressing. Especially since the school specifically said she needed to be checked in the nurses office when she got to school. So, I kept her home today.

Another nights of combing brought only 1 or 2 bugs off Briana. And about 2 bugs off Cheyenne. I did end up finding 2 more bugs just before she went to bed. I also dried all their bedding, including pillows tonight. And I have vacuumed my couches multiple times. The paranoia in me has me vacuuming my couches before I sit on them, every.single.time.

I do not believe any of us is 'infested' anymore. We just have the few random bugs. I do realize that an infestation could happen again rather quickly. Which is why I am washing the towel they use after every shower, no reusing the towels by anyone. Drying their bedding every day after they get out of bed. Combing their hair every night after their shower & checking their head not only every morning before they leave for school, but picking through their hair multiple times through the day. Vacuuming the couches every day. And the next step in this battle, is a rewashing with Rid on Friday. With another long comb out session. Hopefully that will get the last of the devils minions.

I CANNOT take this anymore. I actually broke down & decided to spend the $30 on that Robi Comb thing. But Walmart did not have it. I couldn't stop at Walgreens on the way home because I had all the groceries. And I couldn't go out to buy it because Kid would have questioned where I was going. And he wouldn't understand the importance of this seemingly useless $30 expense. Especially because he is not working & we can't really afford the $30. But my sanity, the kids heads, & the schools, can't not afford it.

Cheyenne will be going to school tomorrow, whether I found bugs in her hair or not. She is 5 days behind. She is really going to struggle to get caught up. I cannot keep her home until they are completely gone, I just can't.

Ok, I just took a break from this to do some looking online. And this is how insane I am, I even went out to my van to get my flashlight so I could look through Briana's hair. Of course it must've tickled so she sat up in her sleep :P . Anyway, in my online reading, I came across this article about lice. And the thing that really caught my eye was this.......

Nits are not round, but oval. They are light-colored when first laid (yellowish or gray), but darken to a tan or coffee color as the embryo develops.

The reason this caught my eye, was because the last 2 times I combed Briana's hair, I didn't find many bugs but I did find alot of tiny brown looking things. I wasn't sure what they were, now I know, they are eggs ready to hatch, which means that she will have lice again, really soon. Damnit, I guess that is why it is so important to retreat with the Rid.

Also, the other thing I did, was look up Walgreens & called the 3 Walgreens closest to my house to see if they have the Robi Comb. One had a spot for it on the shelf but they are out of it. One had no idea whether they have it or not. And the 3rd said they didn't carry it at all. I also called CVS & they don't have it either. Shit, what am I going to do? I can't order it online because Kid will question why I am getting a package when we have no money. I can't go driving around looking for it because 1. I don't have the gas & 2. Kid is home, where can I tell him I am going?

GOD, I am soooooooooo frustrated, as you can tell *sigh* .

Anyway, enough about stupid gaoddamn head lice.

I guess I am just going to go to bed now. After a shower & a combing session on myself.

Must be that time....

of the month soon. I feel so blah. I had a migraine pop up out of nowhere on Saturday. I want to eat everything in the house. I feel so unbelievably overwhelmed. I have a million things to do & I have no freaking idea on where to even start. I just want to crawl in bed & sleep but yet then I don't want to do that. I HATE THIS FEELING!!!!!

Well, shit, its almost 1am, I better call it a night *sigh*. I've got nothing good to write about anyway.........................

Over it.

And not in a bad way either, LOL. I am not as upset anymore as I was last night (read my MySpace blog if you are wondering, LOL). It is what it is. I told him this morning that I need more than that. I need to be touched & kissed. I even asked him if he doesn't like kissing me because of my teeth. He looked at me like I was crazy & said no, LOL. But I just put it all aside, screw it. Not worth getting pissed over. I had hoped we might be able to tonight but alas, he got fucked up again & passed out really really early. No surprise there. But I am not mad. I'm just going to watch a movie instead.

Cheyenne stayed home sick today. I don't think she was sick but whatever. Kid got up with the kids again today. It is really sad that both girls asked me to get up & take them in the morning. They are sick of their dad, sick of his mouth, his attitude, of him. But I sleep in whenever I can. Hmmmm, does that make me a bad mom?

Well, I guess I better go start that movie before it gets too late. Tomorrow is another day.

Breathing a sigh of relief.

So, many of you know what kind of Panther fan I am.  And what kind of Zednik fan I am.  Sunday night during the game at Buffalo there was a horrible accident.  Our captain Olli Jokinen was checked & as he went down his leg went up & Richard Zednik who was on the prowl for the puck was cut on his neck by Olli's skate.  It was horrible, just horrible!!!  I was in the kitchen when Cheyenne yelled "Oh My God Oh My God Zednik is hurt!!  Cut bad!!".  I ran to the living room just in time to see him skating to the bench.  My heart nearly stopped seeing all the blood.  And then to see him stumble as they headed down the tunnel.  I was so incredibly worried.  I really thought he might die.  So, I stalked the Panthers website & message board all week long.  I even started posting.  I looked up pictures, I looked up videos, I even watched the saved game on my DVR, I finally deleted it last night.  I was so consumed by it.  But of course as the week has gone by & the updates have gotten better & better, I have relaxed.  It no longer consumes me anyway.  The people on the message board are calling him "Richard the Lionheart". 

I think because it is just absolutely amazing that he was cut so severely, the surgeon said his carotid artery was severed to the point it was "hanging by a thread", and yet he managed to skate to his bench, to the aid of medical personnel.  They have said that if it wasn't for his quick thinking & the response of the medical staff at the arena, he could have died.  Yea, hockey is a rough sport & these guys are tough but this is the kind of accident that rarely happens.  Or at least when it does, it is rarely life threatening.

So, the latest update, Zed should be released tomorrow, well, today, and heading home to South Florida!!!  

The love & support that has come from the whole NHL fan nation for the Zednik's, the Panthers & the fans has just been amazing.  I have to say that hockey players are a whole different breed of man & hockey fans are in a class all by themselves.  It is just amazing!! 

I think this quote from an Oilers fan says it best, in my honest opinion.......

"Nobody holds a candle to hockey players when it comes to class and toughness. In what other sport can you get slashed with a blade, clubbed with a stick, beaten to a pulp by a goon, run into walls, thrown down on hard ice -- all the while freezing your behind off -- and shrug it off to come back every two days and do it all over again?"

Anyway, in honor of Zed, I made this collage thing.

 

I have started playing around with Photoshop alot more.  I still have alot to learn with it but here are a few things I have made.  After the collage, I made Cheyenne a sig.

And then I made this Go Cats thing.

And an avatar, but I am not using it because Cheyenne doesn't think it is good enough I guess :P .

And my favorite thing I made, my new sig for the Panthers message board.  I was so freakin' excited about this :P .

Oh & I also made Quinn's banner.

The next thing I am going to work on is a sig of the kids for GBM. 

Okay enough of that.

I had some more to talk about but crap, it is nearly 4am.  I'll get back to this tomorrow.

Oh, the Panthers won tonight, 4 to 2 against the Capitals!!  We needed that!! 

Nite my friends!! 

Bummed......

I am actually really bummed about last nights 1 pound loss. I realize that it is my fault, I have slowly started eating crappy or I guess I should say crappier this week. I blame my period but seriously, that is not a good excuse. When I say crappy, I mean like a cup of coffee & a 100 calorie pack of cookies in the afternoon & then after dinner a 40 calorie fudgesicle & a 100 calorie pack of cookies. No fruit, no salads all week, mainly because we can't really afford it. So, I am slowly creeping back into a bad cycle with food. And no exercise at all :( . I was walking to get Zach but then Kid has been home so he has been getting up to take the kids to school & he was walking to get Zach. Therefore letting me sleep in, until like 11am. And then I do nothing at all but sit on my ass.

So, I turned it around, starting today. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a Lean Cuisine pizza for lunch with a diet coke, then a 90 calorie pack of yummy rice cake things, then oh, I was bad, a 90 calorie cereal bar. Then dinner, I made ham, egg & cheese sandwiches, I used Pam to cook the egg & fake butter spray on the bread, with a 100 calorie pack of crackers & half a vitamin water. Carrots & light ranch dressing & yogurt raisins. Lots of water, that I have not failed with, lots & lots of water.

But the biggest accomplishment of the day, Kid asked me if I wanted him to go get Briana & I said no. I walked to get Briana. Which is a bit further than Zach's school. And I walked fast, like really worked my legs & was even a little out of breath. I am proud of that.

And I am going to partly blame my period for last night because I feel so bloated today. Next week will be better.

I was also bummed because Kid heard from the lawyer that they cut him a check this morning for his car & they are sending it overnight. It is not alot of money, like $3000. But $1500 to $2000 goes to a new car & at the very least $750 to the landlord. But I asked, since we have a little money in the bank, only $300, but I asked if maybe we could go out to dinner for my birthday. He of course yelled at me. And he is right, just because we get a small amount of money, doesn't mean we can run right out & spend like it's all okay. He is not working, we don't know when the next money is coming in. But then there is that 'fuck it all' part of me that doesn't want to look at the big picture.

And then there is that tiny little bit of me that is actually hoping the lawyer does sue & get money out of all this for Kid. It feels like it is our turn. But yet not, it's never anyones turn. I guess I just have that tiny little hope that we can actually live in peace for a short period of time. Like everyone hopes & wishes for. I guess it is also a little bit of seeing people walk away from stuff like this with some money in their pocket & hoping that maybe we can be one of those people. Though the reality is, it won't happen because we are not that lucky. Blah, I don't know.

Anyway, after his initial blow up, he came & asked me where I wanted to go eat. And I told him that since Shari & Emily were not going to Daytona this weekend we would be going out with her. And that we would split the cost, therefore relieving some pressure off him. However, I did sense a little disappointment & a little later I asked him if he wanted to go out with us. And he said no, he knew they would be here & he didn't want to go with them. He didn't care. Then I told him that besides, I really want chinese & he hates chinese, LOL. So, he got over it & he is letting us go. No problems. No worries. And then later on he said if he has some money then we would go out for Valentine's Day, though I am not holding my breath for that :P .

Well, hell, it is very late, I want to work on my playlists, I want to get them done, LOL. I am nearly there. And I guess I have blabbed enough.

Night my friends!!!!